Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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