would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My balls are so social today.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize