i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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