Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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