I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
