Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
