9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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