The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
