What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
