i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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