I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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