We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
