Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
