He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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