"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
