I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
