i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
