Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
