Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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