The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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