His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
