youre lurking in front of me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
two words: eviction party
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
