he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
