Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
