i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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