Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
