Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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