my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
