dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
