man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
