The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
