It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Watching her eat just hurts me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
