im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
