i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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