But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
