As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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