it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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