if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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