i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
