Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My vagina is officially offended.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
