I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
