Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
