Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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