does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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