he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize