When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
