Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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