Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
