She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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