I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
