She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
