She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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