Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
