if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
