you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
