Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
