I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
