I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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