I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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