I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
