I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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