left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
