i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
