There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
