I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As shirtless as possible
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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