peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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