just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
