Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
