Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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