Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
