But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
