If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize