I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
