the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
