Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He? As in you personified your dick?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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