Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
