I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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