I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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