Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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