I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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