hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize