I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
