When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
