Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
