So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Screwed.edu
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
