mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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