Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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