I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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