May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
