How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
