You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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