We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
