Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
