sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
