I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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