it was like eating out sand paper
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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