Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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