I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
