Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize