We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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