Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
