She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
