it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
