I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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