What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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