Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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