i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
