Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
