so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
