If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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