And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
