No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
