the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
