you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
