Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
