im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
