Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he was CRYING into my vagina
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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