No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
