wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize