you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
