Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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