Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
